On being sick

Sometimes, I prefer the sick version of me. For the four days I was sick, I learned how to be a better guest--not always getting in the way, worrying about compensating my hosts every twelve minutes by offering to cook or clean or empty the dishwasher. I let Erik's parents, just wake up with Z and play whatever she wanted without saying, Zo, Grandma and Grandpa can't play nonstop. I finally realize they only do this a couple weeks a year. They can get up early. I finally let my mom make me three kinds of toast and tea and find movies for us to watch all day Sunday. I let Val cook tacos without helping or even doing the dishes. I let Erik shop for gifts without worrying if I was doing my fair share. Erik cleaned and shoveled and I just laid in the bed and listened. I think I found an off switch. I kept seeing it in my head. It's electric blue and if I focus on it enough, my brain truly does not speed at a thousand miles an hour.

But being sick also irritates me. I missed a big deal party with for one of my friend's kids. We're trying to repair our friendship and this set us back. I missed a neighborhood party at my friend Sylv's. I missed going downtown every night and I love going downtown when I'm here. I'm also annoyed by realizing how frantic I get in trying to make everyone even--seeing everyone exactly the right number of times. I drive myself nuts and then end up in a crabby mood because I'm always fretting. I don't like being a fretter and I think that's part of the reason I was sick for so long. Also, I was not eating enough yogurt.

It is snowing like crazy up here in the Cove. Perhaps we'll ski tomorrow. Or sled.

I'm actually getting excited for Christmas. Perhaps I should finish shopping? Tomorrow. Today, I have to make up for all the writing I didn't do although I do think I
Plus I have a list of other things due by the end of break.

• 1st year review (I know. I've been there 3 months. They review yearly.)
• AWP talk.
• National teach-in day presentation.
• Syllabus 1.
• Syllabus 2 (speaking of which, I'm still getting emails for people asking me to let them into my class. I'm already over by 4 in each! Stop. It's Christmas week!)
• Holiday cards? New Year's Emails? Some sort of missive into the nonblogging universe saying hello.
  

My hope for everyone? May no one be sick for the rest of the week. Maybe even the rest of the year.