Friday, August 21, 2009

The Complainer

Some people won't do it but if I don't, the as-of-late-untouched-blog will prove insurmountable and I'll never be able to return so here I go with the complaints. Please forgive me in advance.

Start-up funds: Where did they go? One day I had some money. Then the next day, I bought a computer and some books. Now that I have to use start-up funds for travel, I'm wishing I bought a much cheaper computer (would an iPhone have sufficed?) and read far fewer books. Or at least read them on the cheap computer or iPhone for free even as I complain that no one buys books anymore. How can they? The start-up funds are gone.

Advising Center. No I can't get you into a math class. I can barely get you into an English class.

Pre-class-beginning discussions with students: Don't spoil it! If we talk about the class now, what will we talk about on the first day???

Book cover: If I didn't tell you I have a book of poems coming out, well I do. I feel very, very happy about it but I am not 100% certain that I will have the cover art I worked hard to get the permissions for and who I asked my good friend to go through the book and help find a piece that she felt fit the book the best. This makes me crabby even though I know, I'm very, very lucky.

Agent: Again. I'm very lucky and I actually adore my agent but she thinks I need a beloved blog or a revered restaurant to launch my writing career. Is this not a beloved blog? Don't I already have a writing career nascent and small-press-y/lit-maggy though it is?

Hornets: Yesterday, Erik was poking at the ceiling above the staircase where some drywall had fallen. When I hear, "Nik, will you come look at this," I know it's time to barricade myself in the laundry room. Which I did until Erik called someone who rushed out and dusted the hornets nest. I did let Erik into my barricaded room but he brought a bee with him, who was pissed at him and stung him. Erik's not entirely persuaded that the dusting of the bees was an awfully harsh response. I'm a hypocrite for wanting both no bees and no hurt bees. They're hornets, he reminds me as he shows me his swollen arm.

No rain: The cobwebs from my last post. Perhaps you were afraid they had swallowed me and that's why I hadn't updated my blog. They had.

University Graduate Committee: We meet in August? Really? In some building I've never heard of? And you're going to ask for volunteers for the review committee and I'm going to have to avert my eyes and stare hard at the floor for at least ten minutes and may have to whip out the excuse that I'll be on maternity leave next semester.

Maternity leave: We don't actually have maternity leave at my U.

Being pregnant: Didn't I tell you I was pregnant? If not, it's because I don't like people to know I had sex but now you can tell by looking at me which means everyone knows. And I walk sometimes with that cliche'd hand on my back. Embarrassing all around.

Classroom: I forgot I agreed to have my class on the first floor, across from the English Office where now the powers that be (e.g. the Administrative Assistant) can record my every move. Are they just talking in there? Is she giving them writing time in class? Does she really put her feet on the desk? Even when she's pregnant?

Milkweed: A rejection letter from then about my water and wine book from Monday that is still harshing my groove.

The end of the world: I can't eat fish or I will deform my unborn child with the mercury that courses through its once coursing veins. It's hot in Flag. It won't rain.

Laundry: Laundry

Friday's email: Few and far between.

Dinner: We're having fish tacos. Good thing I'm not that hungry.


Lisa B. said...

OH. my. God. I love a complainer, and I love this post. Amen to every ever-loving word.

word verification: owziummi. Say it loud with an exclamation point--I think that's what you're feeling there in your back.

Steve Fellner said...

This is what you need to make your agent (and me) happy:

Steve Fellner said...

Did Eric enjoy the ER room as much as me? Great lighting.

Dr Write said...

Middlebrow listened to this doctor on Bob Edwards weekend (Evolution RX?? maybe) about how no one ever gets mercury poisoning and how fish oil is really good for baby brains. I'll try to find it and send it to you. Anyway, the upshot is, you'd have to eat a shitload of fish to hurt yourself/baby.
I also love complaining, so bring it on.
Yes, it turns out we have no control over covers. sigh.

What Now? said...

Lots of fabulous news in this funny complaining post. Many congrats on the book-to-be and baby-to-be; that's wonderful on both counts!

P said...

Complain away my dear... it's what the first weeks of school are all about. This is a great blog. You should have a book signing in Baltimore or DC or New York or all three and I will visit my fancy sister and we shall eat no fish and drink no wine together. And then we will complain together.

Love you

Rachel M. said...

I love this list and your blog! While I'll give no promises of making you famous, I did add you to the linky page of my site:

Also, I wouldn't worry about first floor eavesdropping. I think most people are too busy/crazy to notice you:)