Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Ramen Noodle Chopped

In college, my friends and I doctored our ramen up with soy sauce, sesame oil and sriracha. I don't think we used any of that powered stock. Maybe just a tiny bit. Good, quick, college-memorial food requires MSG.
Really. Ramen are delicious. Are they deep fried?
Crystal is bleeding all over the kitchen. Delicious.
Pickled peppers, smoked turkey, ramen and endive. Hey, that's what we had for dinner!
Once again, Amanda thinks the peppers with the cayenne is too spicy. I say, at least the soup doesn't taste bloody.
Marco--big chunks of turkey leg? Salad. Not too wow.
Shehu--the left-whole cardomon seed problem. It seems overblown.
Some other guy with a salad. Under impressed.

Crystal the injured woman is chopped for turkey skin. Turkey skin? Over that dude who just crinkled the ramen on top? I hate Chopped. I might boycott blogging the rest of it.

Chocolate Frosting. Flat Iron Steak. Chard. Celery Root.
This is too easy. Chocolate frosting--sauce. Maybe some wine. Chard. Too easy (will the judges mention that the stalks are just as good if not better than the leave?). Once I made a celery root, gruyere, apple and dijon mustard salad.
Amanda says to Ted who complains about the canned chocolate frosting with emulsifiers, "you want to play it down as much as possible." How much do you want to bet that someone gets in trouble for playing down the chocolate frosting?

And Chris indeed comments on the double-like vegetable of the chard. Yay Chris for predictability.

I sense Shehu's joy of cooking will be his demise. Also. Ted complains at him about borrowing a burner. Lame Ted. Let the people work together. Oh wait, then he takes pleasure in the apparent-demise of his teammates. Perhaps he will prevail.

During the commercial break, allow me to opine about what is alluring about Chopped. There's something about the life gives you lemons business to it, of course. There's also the attitude. That if you complain about the lemons, you reveal your true character. And, if you're too confident, you will lose. But, strangely, if you're under-confident, you will also lose. The idea that speed is the crucible into which you will demonstrate taste, presentation and creativity is more of a boxing event than a cooking one. Which is why there are so many injuries on Chopped. But the truth is, even though women are the ones most likely to get Chopped, the whole process is so much like making dinner. Last night, with Max on the counter and Zoe chopping mushrooms and cuisinarting the cabbage and carrots for coleslaw, I had about twenty minutes to put the whole dinner together before Max melted down or I collapsed from hunger. By the end though, we had chipotle turkey burgers with tarragon mustard mayonnaise coleslaw and English muffin buns. It wouldn't win for presentation or creativity but it tasted good and came from whatever I could find in the fridge. Chopped is the fancy version of what my every evening looks like--which makes my every evening feel a little fancier.

OK. Where was I? That's right, arguing with the judges.
I always cook my stems with the chard.

Marco got chopped for his sloppy disaster of a plate--he neglected to put the chocolate sauce on and tossed his chimichurri sauce like he

Bananas, pomegranate juice, phyllo dough and white miso. Easy peasy. I made a pomegranate reduction for something the other day. Not desert.
Granita by the guy whose name I haven't bothered to learn because he's obviously going to win.
"Phyllo dough is beyond wack." He's all mad. They're telling him not to get mad at phyllo. If you're going to get mad at something, I think phyllo deserves it. Pre-flakey dough-y like substance.

I love it when they title the dishes by what's in them: banana with miso dough and pomegranate juice in phyllo dough, Shehu names his dish.

Banana sushi with pomegranate sauce is the title for will-be-the-winner dude although he gets schooled about how to use the blast chiller. That whole granita bravado seems to have bitten him in the ass. And yet, Shehu's over-saged entree can't be forgiven.

Tryg! That's the guy's name. No wonder I ignored it (sorry if your name's Tryg).

Spoiler alert. I was wrong. Tryg goes home. Shehu's sage is forgiven. There is sage amnesty on Chopped. Tryg does complain! He cites the inedible sage. This has never happened before. Such hubris. What did I say about over-confident? Just as deadly as under.


P said...

Say it ain't so phyllo dough

Tom said...

A few facts you missed. Tryg borrowed the burner and the inedible comment was about the judges reference to the chocolate truffle. The guy Tryg should be learn a little class and grace. He sounded like a 10 year old.