Travelodge, Desert Mountain Town

My brain does not adjust to drastic change very well. It punishes me by not letting me sleep. I also have many requirements for sleep like dark, quiet, clean sheets. So when I called out to outdoor-chair sitting Egg from the furniture-free floor in GR and asked in what hotel he would like to stay while we looked for houses in Desert Mountain Town, he said Little America. His family is related to the owners. This does not get us a discount. It doesn't even get us a room--everything in town was booked for graduation. As was everything except the Travelodge. Also: one could stay at the Travelodge for 5 days for what one could stay at Little America for 2. And I'm feeling the budgetary pinch of moving and buying and summer. So the Travelodge it is. I booked a suite--it came with a fireplace and a fridge. What else could I need?

When we got to the hotel (motel?), Egg groaned a little. I said that we'd stayed in worse places--in Kemmerer, WY (fossil fish capital of the world) on our way to the Wind Rivers for our honeymoon, all those motels on the Olympic Peninsula the October we first started dating, and the Chelsea Hotel--the famous hotel that writers and other bohemian types used to stay and write(and apparently go to die). The Travelodge could not be worse than the Chelsea where there was at least three inches between the floor and the outer door so you could watch the 70 year old's high heels click up and down the hallway all night and where sleeping with the light on kept a few of the cockroaches at bay.

And it wasn't as bad as the Chelsea. We were put into a regular two bed room so I had to go back and ask for the suite. Suite might be an overstatement. It meant: fridge and microwave. This particular suite came without the fireplace but it did have wireless so what else did I need?

Apparently I needed a train running through the room at night. The Travelodge sits (as do many of the other hotels, including Little America) near the train tracks. The Travelodge is a little closer than the others in that it sits on the tracks, but trains are romantic, no? Part of the charm of the west and mountain towns and route 66?
Not at midnight. And 1. and 1:30. And 2, 3, 3:45, 4, 4:15, 4:30, 4:58. They don't just drive through either. They honk their horns both with safety and pleasure in mind. Some trains honk only twice per intersection. Some honk all the way from LA to Chicago.
So it wasn't that quiet.
And apparently Arizona thinks daylight savings is for democrats or something. The sun started to peek through the not so sun-blocking curtains by quarter to five. It was full bright by 5:30. It felt like about 9 a.m. Except I didn't have the I-slept-in-so-long feeling. I had the, I-didn't-sleep- at-all feeling. One night, I woke up at 2 and never went back to sleep.

It wasn't just the Travelodge contributing to my lack of sleep. The exorbitant housing prices, the lack of friends there, the fact that it was 80 degrees already (although it snowed the next day), the concern that this new job may not be better than the old one (or what if it's worse?), and the fact that somewhere in Wyoming I realized I wasn't exactly moving home. As the Wind River range passed on my left, the craggy, I remembered that the snow-covered Rockies are not the softer, Ponderosa-filled mountains of the desert.

Other sleep issues include:
When I got to Salt Lake, a dump truck rammed the back of my car. Z was in the back in her carseat but she was OK. I was sore and suddenly busy with more paperwork.
Egg's mom's house is the opposite of the Travelodge: clean, quiet, and except for one night, cool. And yet, the 2 in the morning thing happened. As did the 3, 4, 5.....I blame it on the fluctuating interest rate, the fluctuating temperature (94 one day! 44 the next), the fluctuating time zone, and the fluctuating certainty that change is necessarily good.

Drama, Trauma, and Obama

Oy, never move, never move, never move.
That is my advice unto thee.
We packed up our house. We sent our stuff on the ABF truck toward Arizona, we put Z on the plane with her grandparents, and Egg got in the 4 Runner with Cleo and I got in the Jetta with the cat and we drove across Michigan, Illinois, Iowa and through Nebraska. We stayed the night in North Platte and made it to SLC by dark on Thursday. By Friday, we were dog and cat free and in one car and headed the 7.5 hour drive to Arid Mountain Town.
We looked at a lot of houses.
We seem to have purchased one.
We are heaving under the heavy mortgage. Unlike everywhere else in the country, Arid Mountain Town's prices have held pretty much steady. Still, I think we got an OK deal.
We drove home on Wednesday--made it in 8 hours.
The next day, driving toward my mom's house where my cat is living (although without my mom who is in Yosemite), I was rear-ended by a gigantic dump truck. My car is hurt and I'm sore and Z, who was with me, is absolutely OK. But it sucks and my mom isn't back even though she's supposed to return and the lender wants w-2's which are packed in the truck and Egg's step-dad and sister are in a fight and I want to make fish tacos right now and have a margarita but Egg and Thirty-One's husband just went to play disc golf (it is 3:52 right now Mountain Time. None of my clocks are on the right time) and it gets light in AZ at 4:30 in the morning because they refuse god's greatest gift to mankind--daylight savings, and this past ten days since I've left GR have left me twisted, sore and a bit parched.
But I think next week is going to be a lot more mellow. Especially if my mom gets home....
P.S. This blog has nothing to do with Obama but since Thirty-One blogged twice recently and once about Obama (although more about Hillary) I thought I'd highlight her efforts.

Last Day

I promised to keep a tally of the things I would miss but the list was getting too long and my organizational skills have been pressed into packing duty so whatever lists I did make were not properly demarcated in proper categories. So now all I've got is a long soupy mess of things that will be missed, categorically:
The tree out of my back porch that blooms some magenta colored flower--Erik thinks it's a blossoming plum. Perhaps.
The white magnolia-like tree that last winter the freeze got the minute the flowers bloomed but this year, we got to appreciate the thick-with-cellulose almost-southern flower.
The snow drops that were the first flower this year--bent over white noses kissing snow.
The hyacinths that perfumed my runs.
The tulips although I missed the Holland tulip festival yet again.
The morels that I never found.
The rhododendron, the dianthus, the hydrangea, the butterfly bush and the lavender we planted last year.
The weird Dr. Seuss like trees that keep their purple blossoms tight to their many-direction pointing branches.
The other deciduous trees whose names I know--larch, ash, birch, oak, maple but which I'm not 100% certain I'm applying to the proper tree. I come from the mountains where the trees are mostly pointy firred ones, aspens, or ones imported to the desert for their usefulness like honey locusts for their shade-giving or cherries for their fruit-bearing.
The blueberries. Michigan is the highest producer of blueberries.
The carrots.
They also have an apple called Honeycrisp. Do you have these? They are the best apples in all the land.
The asparagus.
The hawks.
The owls.
The cardinals.
Those little yellow flitting birds.
The gigantic bumblebees.
The fireflies.
The water, the water, the water.
The nights where it's light until almost eleven and because it's a little humid, it's still 75 degrees outside and our friends stay late and we sit on the back patio in the wrought iron chairs and wait for the raccoons and bats to show up.

I'm going on one last run through the college where I hope to see the owls but know I will see at least the geese and their goslings. I might see the frog and the turtle. And I'll definitely see some squirrels. Cleo will miss the squirrels.

Goodbye Michigan! I wish I'd stayed just a little bit longer. I'll try to come visit. Preferably in the spring.

Six Word Memoir Meme (now with more words)

Pretty Hard, Dammit tagged me for a meme. Since I have never been tagged before by someone I know only through the blog world and since I’ve been deficient in my blogging, I am going to write a series of six word memoirs. Lucky you.

1) I know the value of nothing.

I’m sitting here waiting for someone to come look at our dining room table that I’ve been complaining about for a year. The chairs are uncomfortable, the table is scratched. So I posted it on a university classified ad service for a relatively cheap price. Note that our neighbors had already looked at it and did not buy it so it’s obvious, as of this morning, that it’s worthless. After I post the table and chairs on the service, I get 10 emails within 15 minutes. Everyone wants it. Guess what? I don’t want to sell it now.

The couch I listed that no one emailed me about? It is certainly still worthless and I’m still willing to sell it. Until someone lets me know otherwise.

2) I like words: they are deletable.

This table-selling business just clarifies exactly what sorts of therapy I need. Making decisions is just about making regret for me. No matter what I decide, it is the wrong decision. This is why I like writing. I can revise. Delete. Finished is a generally arbitrary idea. I send stuff off. People like it or they don’t. I know it’s done when they like it. Similar to the idea that my table is worthwhile. Perhaps I’ll post some of my essays to the classifieds to see if there are any takers.

3) I just want to go home:

This is a mantra that I repeat always and wherever I go. Even when I am home. Meaning home is always where I’m not. Flip side, grass greener, nostalgia (sickness for the past). I am a sick cookie. I think my true home is Welches, Oregon where once I found fourteen pounds of chanterelles. But it’s kind of shady there with all those firs and pines. And cloudy. Maybe Mountain Town southwest has chanterelles AND sunshine. Except you can’t have mushrooms without rain.

Pretty Hard Dammit actually tagged me to write Zoe’s birth story in 6 word meme. The I-just-want-to-go-home one describes it pretty well. Z however very much wanted to get out into the world. So at 32.5 weeks she kicked her way out of there and made it as far as the NICU. We could see our house from the window, making the longing all the stronger. I was in the hospital for only 4 days but she was there for 20. Still, she was home four weeks before the doctors told us she would be. And she has now lived in two homes and is moving toward another. Perhaps she’ll be less of a I-wish-I-was-somewhere-else kind of person and more of a I’m-happy-wherever-I-am kind of bug. And then I will take a lesson from her and we will hang out happily in the sunny forest full of mushrooms and trees watching the otters swim in the river. I’ll keep you posted on how that turns out.

Edited to add: Woman not interested in the table. Table now back on the undesirable list.

The Next Go Round

My boss, who is really sweet one on one, took me to lunch a couple of weeks ago and gave me a bit of advice about my next job. He told me to take the long view and not get so stressed out about doing it all at once. I'm not sure what kinds of mythologies exist in peoples' perceptions of my time at this University but I was pretty stressed out. I didn't realize how stressed until I quit. I was never entirely sure how much service I was doing or needed to do, if my presence on campus was sufficient, if my publications mattered at all, if I graded too easy or too hard. So I'm trying to think about how I'll do things differently at the next job.

From the above list, it seems obvious and apparent that perhaps I should have asked. Of course, I did ask my one good friend but, as a friend, he tended to either support or tease me about freaking out about these things. I should have asked the chair these things, at least some of them, just so as to alleviate my stress. I think I was afraid he would say, you do too little. Now I find out that in some ways, he thinks I did too much. I've never been good about asking for help or feedback. In PhD school, I spent little time in my professors offices. I think this was a huge drawback to my grad school experience and, though I've known I'm like this, I still haven't corrected it. In fact, when students come to visit me in my office, I stare at them like what could I possibly tell you here that you couldn't ask me in class. I mean, my students come. We have good discussions. But I'm so unclear as to WHY they're there (they don't tell me) that I just talk and pontificate. If they have a clear question, it's easy, but the hanging out as an extension of the professorial experience makes me act all talky and uncomfortable.
So my prejudice against office-time goes both ways. One way to fix this is to change the context of the office hour by taking it out of the office. Fortunately, at my new school, there are compulsory writing center hours. If nothing else, I will have face-time with students when they don't have to specifically seek me out. The other thing to do, is to schedule time with my chair and other profs throughout the semester so I make myself go to the meetings. If I schedule something, I might be able to be more precise in the way I ask how am I doing, am I doing enough service, what kinds of service should I be doing.....
The other good thing about the new job is that my service is already built into the job so wandering around the hallways looking for ways to distinguish my service will not be so difficult. At my current job, everyone had claimed their service territories and I wasn't sure how to claim my own. I ended up doing a lot of assessment, benchmarking, curriculum development-type work (which helped me get this new job, I think) but at the new job, I'll be the point person, the public face of the department, which is something that suits the kind of service I want to be doing.

Other random things I'll do differently

1. Get to town earlier. We arrived in this town ten days before classes started. We had a couple of personal crises plus a one-year old who was still a entirely new concept. We knew where nothing was. We had no vacuum. We didn't know where the grocery store was. We couldn't decide on cable or not. I barely knew how to drive to campus. In fact, it took me a whole semester to figure out the fast way. I missed some of the first of the year meetings on campus so Erik could interview for jobs. I feel like I started behind and have been playing catch up ever since.

2. Figure out a babysitter/daycare situation. Before we knew that daycare would be the infectious trap that it was, we planned for Z to be in daycare the whole time while Erik worked. We realized that Zoe would not be able to go to school as sick as she got, we ended up in the hospital. Erik quit his job, in part, so he could take care of her. In Mountain Town I'm going to have to have a sitter to cover my schedule plus preschool for her so she can get some kid-time in but if she does still get sick, Erik and I can go to work and I'll feel like I'm putting in plenty of face time.

3. Have a party early on. Invite everyone before I figure out who likes who and who tends to hang out with who else.

4. Ask how people grade grad students and then how they grade their undergrads. Having gone to Reed and then grad school, I still find all this grading mysterious. I do grade creative work but maybe I should stop and just grade brilliant comments.

5. Get in a writing group. I have online ones but I miss having a regular face-to-face meeting.

6. Take at least one weekend day off. Go somewhere. That's why we moved there. For the somewhere.

7. Write down long-term service goals. Piece them out into workable parts. Do a little part. Again, with the long view.

8. Hang out at school. This will be easier as I hope that we live closer to campus. It sucks if it takes 25 minutes to get to campus. One is likely to go for a long time, but not as often.

I'm sure there are more ways to take the long view but this is a good start. Maybe if I make my plans public, I'll stick to them. Perhaps someone could ask me some time in October if I've been to visit my chair lately or had a party. Or find out when I will be having a party and then you can come. It would be easier if I already knew some people there....

An Update on the Z Zau McFlau

We are living under the reign of Z. She is a gentle tyrant but not to well disposed to instruction or rules or wearing of the clothing. This morning while I was in the shower, she took my make up and spread it like peanut butter all over our leather chair. Why? Because the chair was dry and it needed lotion.
Do you remember when she would wear only purple? Purple turtleneck, purple leggings, purple dress? First went the turtleneck, and now the leggings and now, if we're lucky, she will wear the purple, sleeveless sundress from last summer because she has decided that now it is summer and she is "cold enough" and it's bright out there and even though it's still only forty-degrees tops, that is all she needs to wear.
At night--she needs books. Several books. We started a chapter book. We also finished it that night because she wanted to hear just a little more. And can you say no to books? We have the goodnight moon book from her Maestra (my mom) the blue moon that her aunt Joyce gave her and the Zoe's Potty that my cousin gave her and the animals in the forest from her grandparents and some idiotic everything book that has no narrative that we must read every night. Plus the songs three: Hush, Sunshine and Zoe (Zoe still says her name Dowie so sometimes we think she's talking about her dad, Airwick). And then songs three one more time.
At 3:46 a.m. she would like more milk please. Just a tiny bit, she asks. Tiny bit?
She'll still eat half an onion but is less into other foods like turkey and chicken. Skittles? Those she'll accept.
She counts to ten if you don't make her say 7 and are OK with 8 being H.
Paint a picture of Lily, please. NO PANTS! DRESS! she demands. I tell her Lily, unlike she, wears pants. And a shirt. And some other color than purple.
She must watch Steins (Little Einsteins) and Dora with Diegos in them. We are allowed to dance--swing her around in 20 circles until one of us is about to throw up, practice our arabesques and pirouettes but cannot sing. If we do sing, we must sing loud.
It's a Byzantine system we've been living but we cut her some slack because someone's got to be in charge and she who knows what she wants and what she wants to wear is obviously someone who has good leadership and management skills. And the leather chair, it is silky soft now, even if slightly tinted human color. Plus, when she demands hug and runs full tilt into the surprise of my shoulder or demands kiss and kisses my lips and then offers me lip-stuff because they too seem dry, I give up all plans for revolt and rebellion and spin her one more time. And then one more time again.

Edited to add: Because I wasn't here, I forgot that during random times of the day, one is told to lie down and "close eyes." She puts a blanket on one's body and sings a variation of "hush." If one stirs or makes moves to get up or opens one's eyes, one is told to "go to sleep." I'm not sure why she thinks that would work on either me or Egg, since it certainly doesn't work on her.

Too much

All of those stresses of a month ago seem to be resolving themselves. The villa owner in Italy let us move our reservations to next June, the nice people at the U found my payroll reports and verified that I worked at the U for more than .5 FTE so I am vested in my 403B here, and our house has an offer and has passed inspection. If things continue in this way, I might begin to believe that the gods favor our moving. We're looking at houses online in high-altitude desert town and are gagging at the prices but think we'll be able to find a cute enough house. We're storing our stuff for a month, heading west for the summer. I'm sad I'll be missing the spring and summer here. My backyard patio let's in just the right amount of light--all sunny in the morning and shaded by trees in the afternoon. Remind me to keep my eye out for that in the new house.
Z's grandparents are coming to fly her to salty town the first week of May. I may well be eating at Em's and the Metropolitan sooner than I ever could have thought.
I still have high hopes to do here: find morels in the woods, find asparagus along the river, cross the Mackinac Bridge into the UP and see the tulips in Holland. I have a wee bit (75 portfolios) of grading to do but I think I can work in a weekend trip or two.